It only leads to deeper feelings of emptiness and depression.

Hours went by, days went by, weeks went by, and the only consistent thing was that the pain kept getting worse by the day. I laid down every night and watched the minute hand of the clock move slower than a snail. I was in my worst moment, and the only thing that kept me from ending it all was the thought of what it would do to my mum’s smile. You are probably wondering what I am talking about. Miriam, the love of my life. I met Miriam when I was in Level 100 of Senior High School. I was fond of her; we studied together, went to prayers together, and sometimes went to parties together. She was dating an accountant, and I was dating an engineering student. We mostly studied together and didn’t talk about our relationships. We focused on school-related issues until one day, she came to me crying, saying she was going through a lot with her boyfriend, who was constantly accusing her of being in a relationship with me. I felt bad but could understand his point of view. From then on, I wanted to save her relationship, so I started avoiding her calls, giving her excuses, and quickly found a new study partner, this time a male. I spoke to my good friend Priscilla, who was very good in class, and asked her to help Miriam with her studies. They started studying together and were almost always in class together. I was happy to see Miriam glowing and happy. I continued dating my girlfriend in peace because she was also jealous of Miriam. The following semester, Level 200, we came back to school, and Miriam acted as if we had never met. I asked Priscilla, and she said she didn’t know what was going on with Miriam because she was giving her the same treatment. One day after lectures, I was with my girlfriend when we met Miriam, and I decided to greet her so my girlfriend could see we truly had nothing going on between us. To my surprise, Miriam disrespected me. My girlfriend took the fight for me and put her in her place. I was proud of my girlfriend and felt bad for Priscilla. We became estranged, but I had no idea why. I just had to accept that it was part of life. Semester after semester, we saw less of each other. In my hostel, I heard something bad about Miriam and felt bad about it. There was a rumor our T.A. was sleeping with her multiple times. I kept quiet, but as the rumor spread, I had to approach her. She was surprised and confronted the T.A. via phone, and he denied it. He confessed that the boys had made it up because he was helping her with her studies. I told her it was normal because the same was said about us when we were studying together. I asked her what I had done wrong to deserve her treatment. She showed me her result slip; she had failed in four courses the semester I stopped studying with her. I felt even worse. I was quiet for a while and all I could say was sorry. We talked about things, and I explained my side. We finally agreed that I would help her again. I asked if she was still with her accountant, and she said yes, adding that he had paid for her referrals and spent money to make her happy. So, she joined my friend and me in our studies. My friend eventually withdrew because he didn’t like being around women. We studied in such a way that her boyfriend didn’t know about it. I answered past questions, and I could see she was really improving. In Level 400, I won a bet of 35,000 and invested some of it. I started buying her small things just as a normal friend. We both had relationship problems but never talked about them until one day, we started discussing relationships. I told her what happened to me three months ago: I caught my girlfriend sending naked pictures to a white guy, so I broke up with her and had been single for three months. Miriam felt sorry for me and shared that she still had frequent quarrels with her boyfriend. One day, while we were studying, it was cold and quiet, and I tried to kiss her. She resisted, and I immediately felt bad, realizing what I did was wrong. She told me it was okay but that the behavior was unfair. She asked how I would feel if the same thing happened to me. I stopped that behavior. When she tried talking to me about her relationship, I shut her up, saying I didn’t want to hear about it. One day, while we were studying, she kissed me, and we both wanted to have sex right then. We went back to her room and were intimate. Afterward, I asked, “What happened to your boyfriend?” She said they broke up two weeks ago. I asked if I was the rebound guy, and she said no, she already had a rebound. I was surprised she was that open about it. After two weeks, we had sex a couple of times, and I eventually proposed to her. She said yes; she was officially my girlfriend. Fast forward, we dated and graduated. We did our national service in the same town and spent more time together. One day, I had severe pain and itchiness in my manhood. Tests revealed it was gonorrhea. I confronted her because I was faithful, but she denied it with all her strength. I closed the case but couldn’t trust her. I hacked her WhatsApp but found nothing; she was faithful. One afternoon, I was near where she was doing her service and decided to pass by. She was in a meeting and couldn’t answer my call. She was a receptionist, so I waited at her desk. I picked up her iPhone 13, and it didn’t open with the pin I knew. I tried her birth year, and it opened. Under the desk, I found another identical phone with the same picture. When I tried the pin I knew, it opened. I checked the gallery and saw pictures of her with her accountant, now in an immigration uniform. I went to her WhatsApp and saw she was in a very committed relationship with her so-called ex, making promises with God’s name, swearing she had never cheated on him. The guy bought her the same phone after she claimed the old one was stolen. I couldn’t bear it and left. At work, I was acting strangely, laughing at things that weren’t funny. I got home, and she called. I wanted to give her a chance to come clean, but I’m not that type of guy. My feelings were too invested to play games. I confronted her, and like any other cheat, she gave me perfect reasons and explanations. I called the immigration guy, and we talked. He told me he had the same gonorrhea and that she claimed she was raped. They reported the case. We made a plan, and he bought the truth from her best friend. It was probably one of three other guys who gave her the gonorrhea. That was the end of my chapter with Miriam. It was tough to overcome, but I eventually moved on. After three years, I met a nurse. I was fully employed, and my investments had skyrocketed. I was doing well and fell in love again. However, I started acting like the accountant did when I was in school, but I was different. I committed to finding out the truth. She was cheating on me with her colleagues, even on nights when I dropped her off at work. This happened two years ago, and ever since, I’ve been going for hookup girls and prostitutes. When I started, I had a lot of fun with beautiful women, foreign ones, people’s girlfriends, wives. I practically pursued any beautiful lady I wanted. I eventually stopped going after people’s girlfriends and wives after my life was threatened, but I still ordered hookups, some of which were students. If you saw the kind of women I rolled with, your jaw would drop. But in recent times, I get home from work and wish a little kid could run to me and say, “Welcome home, Dad,” or a woman could make me feel like a man. I’m 35 now with no ability to love a woman again. I even tried dating again, but I kept running back to my hookup girls who kept me hooked like cocaine. I dated really bad girls, good ones, but I just couldn’t stick. I thought I could find happiness in sleeping with all kinds of women, but eventually, it only leads to deeper feelings of emptiness and depression.

Posted by Maxwell Adm on 2024-05-12 11:37:11